If My Body Was a Car!!

 This is just too funny - scary how true it is!!!
 If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about 
 trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and 
 scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull...
 but that's not the worst of it.
 My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see  things up close.
 My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
 It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns 
 inefficiently.
 But here's the worst of it,
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter,  either my radiator leaks or my exhaust  backfires.

Can you tell I'm approaching another birthday????

And then there's this one!

 The government today announced that it is changing its symbol for Congress to a CONDOM, because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance ... a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!!


Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!!!