Ah, Fun Reasons I'm Glad I'm Not a Doctor!!!

1. A man comes into the ER and yells....'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.       

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,

San Francisco 

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,'. . .  I instructed.

'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient. 

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, 

Seattle, WA 

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

'Which  one?'  I asked.

'The patch... The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!'

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, 

Norfolk, VA