Hopefully He Will Run for Congress!!

He appears to have what most politicians these days lack!!

CAN I HEAR AN AMEN, ?!


And how about these guys for a smile!!

You guys aren't really serious about politics are you????

Will you just shut up and listen!!!

Ah, even the birds!!

Some Humor for Wednesday! We Need All We Can Get!!

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United States in RECESSION  The recession has hit everybody really hard... My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her! A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. A picture is now only worth 200 words. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. History will re-name this President "Owe" Bama. And, finally.... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I said I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

And on a lighter note ......

Where do red-headed babies come from? 

After their baby was born, the new father who was  quite perturbed, went to  see his wife's obstetrician. 

'Doctor, said the man, I'm am quite upset because my daughter has red hair!'  'She can't possibly be mine!' 

'Nonsense!' the doctor said, 'Even though you, and your wife have black hair, one of your ancestor's may have contributed red hair to the pool.' 

'It isn't possible,' the man insisted.  'This can't be, our families on BOTH sides had jet black hair for generations!'  

'Well, said the doctor, let me ask you this, how often do you have sex?'

 

The man now embarrassed, replies

sheepishly, 'I've been working very hard for the last year, and we only made love once or twice every few months.'

'Well, there you have it,' said the doctor, confidently,

It's Rust! 

Smile, giggle or laugh out loud, that's what makes life worth living!!

 

Sounds About Right to Me!

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a
truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises ..

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above...

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says.......

"Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted."

Same Old, Same Old

A Little Beauty and Some Tidbits of Wisdom

If anger be the basis of our political activities, the excitement tends to become an end in itself, at the expense of the object to be achieved. Side issues then assume an exaggerated importance, and all gravity of thought and action is lost; such excitement is not an exercise of strength, but a display of weakness.
Tagore
He could very well be speaking of our political environment today.

There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power government has is the power to crack down on criminals. When there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Ayn Rand.

Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. Sign hanging in Albert Einstein's office at Princeton.

Nothing is so hard for those who abound in riches to conceive than how others can be in want. Jonathan Swift.
Just ask those in the banking and financial centers that plead for bailouts and then go for a holiday at the exclusive resorts around the world.

When the tide of life turns against you,
and the current upsets your boat.
Don't waste time on what might have been,
just lie on your back and float. Unknown.
I'm trying to learn this one.

Shit happens! Unknown.
This one I know!
And with that final tidbit of wisdom, I bid you a pleasant evening, lovely dreams and a beautiful tomorrow.

A Few Reasons Why Our Country Got in Trouble

DC airport ticket agent offers some examples. I hope you get a chuckle, too. As for me, after reading these, I felt really pretty brilliant!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information. Then she interrupted me with, 'I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts' . Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, 'Cape Cod' is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa. Her response, 'click'.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an oceanview room. I tried to explain that's not possible, because Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, 'Don't get smart with me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very narrow state!' (Oh, my God!)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, 'Is it possible to see England from Canada ?' I said, 'No.' She then said, 'But they look so close on the map.'

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he only had a one-hour layover in Dallas . I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he replied, 'I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.' (Aghhhh!)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 AM and got to Chicago at 8:33 AM. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went really fast, and she accepted that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, 'Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?' I said, 'No. Why do you ask?' She replied , 'Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude. After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it --I was laughing--, I came back and explained that the code for the Fresno, CA airport, is 'FAT' = Fresno Air Terminal, and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, 'Would it be cheaper to fly to California , and then take the train to Hawaii ?'

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, 'How do I know which plane to get on?' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, 'I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.'

10. A lady Senator called and said, 'I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?' I asked if she meant she was flying to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane. She said, 'Yeah, whatever, smarty!'

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he also needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and I have never had to have one of those.' I double-checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, 'Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!'

12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, 'I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ..' I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, 'Are you sure that's the name of the town?' 'Yes, what flights do you have?' replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, 'I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere.' The lady retorted, 'Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!' So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, 'You don't mean Buffalo , do you?' The reply? 'Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.'

Now you know why our Government is in the shape that it is in, and who is causing it!