Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless
It seems to me that as I grow older I find myself going through as many changes as I did as a teenager and that in itself is puzzling. Oh, I can accept – reluctantly, the physical changes. I knew they were inevitable, damnit! But haven’t I learned anything over the years? Why can’t one just transition smoothly through the various stages of life? Can’t I just grow old gracefully without all the ups and downs, emotional highs and lows? Does this happen to everyone or is it just me? As you can see, I have lots of questions and apparently few answers.
When I started blogging six months ago I wrote about some of those ups and downs, the fears, the insecurities, but I was at a rather crucial point in my life and writing things down helped me to see those things more clearly and I began to move past them. Then it was all just fun, fun to be able to write and share things with others; to find that I wasn’t the only one who had had problems of one kind or another over the years. And it’s been such fun getting into photography and sharing my pictures. At last! I thought I have transitioned to being an “elder”.
Then recently I began to notice that I wasn’t writing about things that I felt or didn’t feel. Oh, I found all kinds of things to post – funny, naughty, politics, weather, but what I wasn’t writing about was where I was emotionally on any given day. I was back to hiding that gal behind the funny stuff, the ugly stuff, politics, and photos. I have to admit however, I’ve begun to get so discouraged with the politics and the frightful conditions of our economy, our country that I don’t even know what to write about them anymore. Maybe that’s part of my problem these days; that and worrying about my kids, how they are going to survive this mess.
So, I find myself asking the reflection in the mirror, what’s going on with you now? And when in the hell are you going to accept that you are seventy-five and a half years old? Stop acting like a teenager and deal with reality. Maybe it’s the weather, just the winter blues. And of course, all the computer problems haven’t helped. I am getting a new one and that, of course, gave me another reason to feel guilty??? Should I be spending that money right now???
Well, I don’t have any answers. The politics are still lousy as is the economy, everyone’s love affair with Obama is beginning to tremble as we have to deal with the fact that he’s not going to be able to solve all the problems we have immediately and that whatever he does or doesn’t do there will be plenty of people out there to complain that he should have done it this way or that way. And the beat goes on!
So, now that I’ve pissed and moaned for paragraph after paragraph, what have I accomplished? Nothing, but for whatever reason I suddenly feel better. Guess it’s the sick fun of passing on your aches and complaints. Whatever, but if any of you feel like pissing moaning please feel free to email me or leave them in a comment.
Well, time for me to get off my butt and figure how quickly I can get to the bank with some coins to cover that new computer.
