A friend of mine sent this to me yesterday and I thought it said a lot for senior humor.
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended u p in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
Sylvia's world in thoughts and pictures
I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!
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What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.
14 comments:
Good one!
I didn't wait for retirement. When I broke my ankle several years ago, I got so tired of people asking me what I had done to it. I started telling them stories, like that I was sky diving. (Although that particular story was one I wished was true.) Amazing how many people believed me. I got quite creative at times.
50 lbs, wow, I'm starting tomorrow! LOL
This was great--I'm a storyteller too when people ask a question I think is a bit dumb, but I've never told one this good!
Hmmm. YET. Must practice...
ROFL
Oh Sylvia, I haven't laughed that hard in a while... I think I'll email that one to some old friends :D
Oh, Sylvia, you made my day! That was so hilarious!
BTW, are you aware that you have just 2 options for commenters? Google Account and Open ID? There isn't one for Anonymous and for people who just want to leave their name with no URL.
But maybe that's why you don't get any spam.
Sylvia, I swear this is hilarious! It is the funniest thing I have read in ages and I loved it. Have a great 4th of July and thanks for a great laugh.
Great story! This sounds like something my husband would do...
Am I allowed to use that soon as I retire? I laughed out loud (to myself) and it was SO good!
Funneee...
I had to read this right away since we were at Costco today standing in line to buy a folding table.
I'd read that story before and every time I read/hear it I crack up. I wonder if this was a real story because if it was someone had a great imagination;~)
that was hilarious!!!!!
Hilarious!! I must pass this story around ... I'm visiting your blog for the first time, and really enjoying it ...
Reading your story, I'm thinking, "Gee ... Maybe I should have stuck to eating those Milk-Bones that my older brother offered me when I was five ..."
:-D
Thanks for the chuckles ;--)
Hugs and blessings,
Nice one Sylvia. Pissed myself.
Sylvia, You have me rolling in the aisles! Bwahahahahaha! My trips to Costco aren't that much fun! :)
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