Some Humor for the Day!

CURSING IN CHURCH
A crusty old man walks into the local Church and says to
the secretary, 'I would like to join this damn church.'

The astonished woman replies, 'I beg your pardon, sir.
I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?'

'Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn
church!'

'I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is
not tolerated in this church.'

The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the
pastor's study to inform him of her situation.
The pastor agrees that the secretary does
not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old
geezer, 'Sir, what seems to be the problem here?'

There is no damn problem,' the man says. 'I just
won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join
this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money.

'I see...' said the pastor. 'And is this bitch
giving you a hard time???'



AND THEN THERE'S THE MEMORY PROBLEM!

Jack & Eloise, an elderly couple were invited to some lifelong friends
home for dinner one evening. Eloise was so impressed by the way her
lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing
terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years and clearly, they were
still very much in love. After dinner, while the two husbands were in
the living room chatting, Eloise leaned over to her hostess and said,
'I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call your
husband all those loving pet names'.

The elderly lady hung her head and said, 'I have to tell you the
truth, his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared
to death to ask the cranky old asshole what his name is.



ATTENTION:

ALIENS ARE COMING TO EARTH ON FRIDAY AND THEIR MISSION IS
TO ABDUCT ALL GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.

YOU WILL BE SAFE , I'M JUST E-MAILING YOU TO SAY GOODBYE.