I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Flight Crew Announcements

I have an 87 year old friend here in Seattle who sends me much of the funny stuff I share with you here and this is the latest

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.

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United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!

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On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.'

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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?' 'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?' The little old lady said, 'Did we land or were we shot down?'

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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'

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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.'

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Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'

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Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'

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'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them home with our compliments.'

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'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses....except for that gentleman over there on the next aisle.'

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Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City - The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'

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After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
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Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of U.S. Airways.'

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Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'

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( THIS IS MY FAVORITE) A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!' Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'

11 comments:

George said...

Thanks for the chuckles. I've been on a few flights that deserved comments like these!

SquirrelQueen said...

OMG, those are so funny. I've been on flights where these comments could easily have been made. Thanks for the laughs this morning.
Judy

Ann, Chen Jie Xue 陈洁雪 said...

I enjoyed everyone of them.'

let's mine which I posted.

During the announcement of the flight safety announcement.

Ladies and gentlemen, please listen and watch carefully, the beautiful ___ at the back, the beautiful ____ at the front, and I am ____ ,the most beautiful one. She was wearing a frangipani in her ear. I forgot which side siginifies she is available.

Nessa said...

Oh, these are so very funny. Flying needs more comedy.

Flash 55 - Priorities

Jane said...

Saw you on ShellSeeker's sidebar. The title caught my eye...

Had to share this post with my "million miler on 2 airlines" husband. He laughed so hard.

Reminds me of the time I was flying into Roanoke, VA...had to abort our first and second attempts at landing. The pilot came over the speaker saying..."Who need Busch Gardens...we at xxx have our own roller coaster ride...it's complementary with your ticket."
Jane (artfully graced)

penny said...

I laugh my self silly while reading your post. Thanks for my evening amusement, Sylvia. It is always a pleasure to visit.

chrome3d said...

People who spill coffee all over the place annoy me enormously, especially as I don´t drink it all. Still funny though!

bobbie said...

I enjoyed these so much. So glad I did get to read them - some before, and some after Firefox crashed. My computer is a little nuts this morning. I may not be able to do much more commenting - or maybe I can. Who can tell?

Anonymous said...

OMG...I was just rolling with these. I love them. Well done PhQB :)

Susan at Stony River said...

I love a heckler! LOL

But I'm terrified to fly. I do it a lot, but am sick with fear every time. I'm not sure these comments would have helped!

GratefulPrayerThankfulHeart said...

Oh yes! It is good to laugh and that is just what I did. All funny! Thanks much for brightening my day!

Enjoyed your shadow shots, especially the silhouette leaning on the deck railing.

Great visiting with you! ldh

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

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