I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Why We Love Kids!

From one of my non-blogging friends who manages to keep me in the fun stuff -- and these days I need all the fun I can find! So, have another cup of whatever floats your boat and have a giggle or two!

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents .'

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'


A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'



Mo said...

Sure gave me a few laughs

Emily said...

These are hilarious! I read at least half of them aloud to my husband and neither one of us could stop laughing. Thanks!

The Grandpa said...

It brightened my day. I really appreciate that.

bobbie said...

These are great ones, Sylvia. thanks!

abb said...

Love this. And yes, it made me smile.

Joe Todd said...

Thanks Sylvia. Big smile on my face
Wasn't there a tv show "Kids say the funnest things?"

Anonymous said...

I am with you, Sylvia

Elizabeth Bradley said...

That first one killed me. I needed a few laughs, thanks.

Cathy said...

Those are hysterical. Thanks for the laugh out loud!!!!!

kenju said...

I love these, and "into the hole he goes" was new to me. So funny!!

Gennasus said...

So funny! Thanks for that.

storyteller said...

WOW ...
I loved these and appreciate the chuckles. Kids are wonderful aren't they? As always, I enjoyed your lovely sky photos and words of wisdom. You're a light in the Blogosphere and I'm happy to know you. Hope you have a lovely weekend.
Hugs and blessings,

K. said...

LOL! These are wonderful.

Grayquill said...

Those were good ones. Years ago in an eveing church service the son of our pastor leaned over to his mother as his father got up to preach and said, Mom, is the word of the Lord going to be long tonight?

magiceye said...

absolutely hilarious! thank god for the kids!!

chrome3d said...

How incredibly high quality in them right up to Adam´s underwear.

Nishant said...

It brightened my day. I really appreciate that.
Web hosting india

Susan at Stony River said...

Oh Sylvia! I'm having the worst, terribly awful day, and I didn't think anything could make me smile... but this did! Thank Heaven for children. I even started laughing by the time I got to the dog in the back of the police car, and for that I wish I could send you a thousand hugs!

NatureFootstep said...

this is fun. Gave me a lot of smiles :)

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

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