I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Drafting Guys over 60 ............ !!!!

This is funny and obviously written by a Former Soldier-

New Direction for any war: 'Send Service Vets over 60'!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.

They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical S-of-a-B....'

If captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push-ups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

How about recruiting Women over 50 with PMS !!!

You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!

If nothing else, put them on border patrol....they will have it secured the first night!

I would have posted this in large print so it would be easier for you "old guys" out there to read, but bloggers only have one size -- type that is. Now, you can share this with friends or not -- you probably won't remember it in an hour anyway. Isn't getting old the most fun ever????

14 comments:

Annie Jeffries said...

Hysterical. I immediately sent it to my old fart of a Nam Vet DH and to a best friend who is so pro-military she could stand in a unit all by herself and kick major boo-tee.

pink dogwood said...

This is hilarious

Kay said...

funny twist to a serious topic....can i put in a vote for world peace????

Janie said...

Funny thoughts. Maybe we could start the "Older Soldier" movement by sending Congressmen? I've often thought we'd have less wars if those guys were first in line for the fight.

Susan at Stony River said...

OMG! I lost it "used to getting screamed and yelled at" ROFL This was hilarious in all its oh-so-true moments.

Agreed, that we should let our 'kids' stay home.

Thanks for passing this on Sylvia!

bobbie said...

This is just so good! And you know what - probably true.

storyteller said...

LOL ... thanks for passing this one along ;-)
Hugs and blessings,

Anonymous said...

OMG...I'm almost there...LOL. This was just too funny :)

trailbee said...

Thanks, Annie! This is hilarious. Made my day!

Peggy said...

This is so funny, but I think it's also probably very true. The part about women with PMS ,I know is true!
Thanks Sylvia for my afternoon LOL!
Have a great weekend pal.

Elizabeth Bradley said...

Very funny. Enjoyed reading this. Thanks, Sylvia.

P.S. I had one of those strange types hanging around my blog for over 18 hours. I can only assume they got called away from the computer while they were reading my blog.

D said...

Sylvia, this is hilarious! "Old age and treachery always overcomes youth and inexperience", or something like that. I happen to have a few old fart friends I'm sending this to.

magiceye said...

absolutely hilarious!!

Sujatha Bagal said...

This was hilarious! But when I'm over 50 if I still have PMS someone will have hell to pay. I don't know who, but someone is going to all right!

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

Portland Time