As
I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world...
.. I
realized, that at my age, I don't really give a rat's ass anymore.
.. If
walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
.. A whale
swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
.. A rabbit
runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while
.. A tortoise doesn't run and
does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to
exercise?? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the
people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with
nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed
with prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my
body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
6. It was a whole
lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
7. Some days, you're the top
dog; some days you're the hydrant.
8. I wish the buck really did stop here;
I sure could use a few of them.
9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
11. It's hard to make a
comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
12. The world only beats a path to
your door when you're in the bathroom.
13. If God wanted me to touch my
toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
14. When I'm finally holding all the
right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
15. It's not hard to meet
expenses . . . they're everywhere.
16. The only difference between a rut and
a grave is the depth.
17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about
the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm "here
after".
18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
HAVE I
SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE.....?
