Will Rogers, who died in a
1935 plane crash, was one of the
greatest political sages this
country has ever known.
Enjoy the
following:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot
day.
3. There are two theories to
arguing with a woman.
Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to
shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the
herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole,
stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your
money is to fold it
and put it back into your
pocket.
8. There are three kinds of
men:
The ones that learn by
reading.
The few who learn by
observation.
The rest of them have to pee on
the electric fence
and find out for
themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from
experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the
herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it's still
there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot
easier'n puttin' it
back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain
lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along
and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep
your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING
OLDER...
First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you
stop lying
about your age and start bragging about
it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem
worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their
odometers.
Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look
this way.
I've traveled a long way, and some of the
roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like
to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when
everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill
without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you
about aging
is that it's such a nice change from being
young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how
splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is
comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the
ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft.
Today it's called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at
trouble,
you won't have anything to laugh at when
you're old.