A young friend of mine in Texas was trying to cheer me up this morning -- these are soooo bad they're actually funny! Hey! a laugh is a laugh and I'll take all I can get!
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you,
but don't start anything.'
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic drunk walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says 'A
beer please, and one for the road.'
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this
taste funny to you?'
7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'Well, It's Not Unusual.'
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'
'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't
find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!'
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, 'Dam!'
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank .....proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. 'But why,'
they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goesto a family in
Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath.. This made him..... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ..... A
super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least a couple of the puns would make them
laugh.. No pun in ten did.
