Pun Intended!

A young friend of mine in Texas was trying to cheer me up this morning -- these are soooo bad they're actually funny! Hey! a laugh is a laugh and I'll take all I can get!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you,
but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic drunk walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says 'A
beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this
taste funny to you?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'Well, It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'
'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't
find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, 'Dam!'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank .....proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. 'But why,'
they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goesto a family in
Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath.. This made him..... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ..... A
super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least a couple of the puns would make them
laugh.. No pun in ten did.

Creative Puns for Educated Minds

The happy Lama/Llama!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse
said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!