I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? 
Your last name stays put. 
The garage is all yours. 
Wedding plans take care of themselves. 
Chocolate is just another snack. 
You can be President. 
You can never be pregnant. 
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. 
You can wear NO shirt to a water park. 
Car mechanics tell you the truth. 
The world is your urinal. 
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. 
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 
Same work, more pay. 
Wrinkles add character. 
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. 
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. 
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.   
One mood all the  time.   
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 
You know stuff about tanks. 
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. 
You can open all your own  jars. 
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 
If someone forgets to invite you, 
He or she can still be your friend.   
Your underwear is  $8.95 for a three-pack. 
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.. 
You almost never have strap problems in public. 
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.. 
Everything on your face stays its original color. 
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 
You only have to shave your face and neck.   
You can play with toys all your life. 
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. 
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. 
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. 
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.   
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives 
On December 24 in 25 minutes. 
No wonder men are happier.  

·          If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. 
·          If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman . 
·          When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. 
·          When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. 
·          A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. 
·          A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. 
·          A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. 
·          The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. 
·          A woman has the last word in any argument. 
·          Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. 
·          A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. 
·          A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 
·          A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. 
·          A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. 
·          A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. 
·          A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. 
·          Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. 
·          Women somehow deteriorate during the night. 
·          Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. 
·          A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. 
A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! 


Bernie Krausse said...

One could say that the source of all perceivable problems is forgetting. Forgetting is therefore analogous to repressing one's feelings. One is constantly swimming in a see of energy and this energy presses up against the energy body creating feelings. However, humans are conditioned by society and their cultures often to ignore what they feel and to think in a way that expresses another point of view instead of their own point of view. One's point of view then is unique because it is derived from what energies or spirit that surround a person in any given moment allowing them to feel or sense the gift that can always be opened now as it is being delivered. Therefore, the confusion in life stems from forgetting or ignoring the origins of truth and freedom which comes from the pure expression of What simply Is.

Paula Scott said...

That is hysterical! I do wonder where you find all these treasures and the tattoo banner is a crack up!

Kay said...

Funny, but... sigh... often too true!

Joe Todd said...

Also Humble LOL

Andrea said...

The new header is one of your best ... Love it. As for your MAN thing ...OMG, print it and sell it. Even if you have to give credit to 50 different people, you would make a fortune. It would be the thing on sale that every women would spend $1.00 on. And, I will be the first one in line ... You always, always live up to my expectations of you ... I will be chuckling until I go to bed to deteriorate:)

Andrea @ From The Sol

Gary said...

What a funny post!! Boom & Gary of the Vermilon River, Canada.

TexWisGirl said...

this was very good. oh, to be a man... :)

NixBlog said...

LOL, toot true, Sylvia. Hope you have a great day!

Laura~Pretty Pix said...

Fabulously funny and oh so true. Really enjoyed this post. It's wonderful we can laugh about life.

Genie said...

This makes my cold and dreary day. I adore your sense of humor. It is great. You have put a huge grin on my face. genie

clairz said...

Oh, Sylvia, this is very, very funny. Deeply funny. Disturbingly funny.

And I LOVE the header photo with the Sylvia tattoo!!!

PerthDailyPhoto said...

So funny Sylvia, loved the 'choice whether or not to grow a moustache hahaha!!

Bagman and Butler said...

A perfect start to my day. Short people living in the house...LOL.

Yogi♪♪♪ said...

Darn it Sylvia, you let the secret out!!!! Men do have it made.

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

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