I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Drafting Guys Over 60!!

My wonderful 90 year old lady friend does find some of the best pieces and I always like to share her stuff with you!

This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier... New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60! 


I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. 

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35. 


For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.


Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while. 


An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some
fanatical son-of-a-bitch. 

If captured we couldn't spill the
 beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling. 


They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. 


Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. 


An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. 


These are all great reasons to keep
 our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way. 

Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to
 see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them. 

Send this to all of your senior friends...it's in big type so they can read it.

9 comments:

Mama Zen said...

This is really funny!

☆•.¸.Mildred.¸.•☆ said...

War is such an absurd thing!
But I must admit it was funny reading this!
Thanks for sharing, Sylvia.

***
Hugs****

TexWisGirl said...

i loved this. :)

Lowell said...

Well, I disagree. Most people my age could no more fight a war than they can fight stomach pains.

My feeling is that if politicians think it's time to go to war, every politician and his/her children must sign up and fight on the front lines!

Meanwhile, have a great Thanksgiving!

Al said...

There's some funny wisdom there, Sylvia. Have a great Thanksgiving and make sure Sam gets a special treat!

Pam :) said...

That's one very wise man.. haha
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, Sylvia.
l hope your weather improves!

SandyCarlson said...

That's a good one, Sylvia. Thanks!

Arija said...

That guy should head up the army, a real wise guy!

Indrani Ghose said...

Great read!
Serious stuff packed in humor.

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

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