I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Some Humorous Wisdom for the Day!

The biggest lie I tell myself is ..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!

I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!

Old age is coming at a really bad time!
Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.!

My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes" .

I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.

When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?

Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ... that makes it a plant which means ... chocolate is Salad!!!


Lowell said...

Tee hee! There's just enough truth in these to make me laugh (and cry!). I really hate getting old but I don't like the alternative at all! Hope you have a superb weekend!

George said...

Thanks for sharing these words of wisdom.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Salad. Definitely... YAM xx


Love, love LOVE.....LOVE all these. I'm gonna copy this and read it out loud to Bud when he comes back home.

I'm laughing still. What a hoot.

TexWisGirl said...

some good ones. :)

Indrani said...

Ha ha hilarious!!! I find muttering some of them myself. :D

magiceye said...

Wonderful one liners!!

PerthDailyPhoto said...

Still smiling Sylvia :) must remember the plz and no... I say yes way too often :) Hope you're having a good Sunday Sylvia.

Jack said...

I hope I remember that thing about texting no because it is shorter than yes. Funny stuff.

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

Portland Time