I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Best Smart Ass Answers of the Year!!!

 Even when things are difficult you can always find a reason to laugh!!

It was mealtime during an airline flight.  
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.  
'What are my choices?'  John asked.  
'Yes or no,' she replied.
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.  
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.  When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly... I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.  (This is how men end up on milk cartons)!
AND! The door mats for the week are!


The Write Girl said...

Sylvia thanks so much for your visit. I loved the quotes.

Annie said...

There are so pretty funny ones in here. Thanks for the laughs.

Bill ~ {The Old Fart} said...

These were funny Sylvia, thanks for the Sunday Chuckle

Patti said...

thanks for the giggles, Sylvia! These were good.

I posted a cute one last Tuesday if you want a smile...

Janie said...

All are funny, but I laughed hardest at the Bonus Smartass.

George said...

Thanks for the chuckles! I liked those answers.

SandyCarlson said...

A fun post, my friend. Thank you. Those mats are great.

Kay L. Davies said...

Oh, I just LOVED the last doormat.


lotusleaf said...

Nice read for a Monday morning. Thanks.

Kay said...

Oh thank you, Sylvia! I loved the laugh!

Naturedigital said...

All are very funny Sylvia. Thank you for making me lough all the time.
have a great week.

SquirrelQueen said...

Thanks for the laughs Sylvia, these are too funny!

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

Portland Time