I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Some Humor for Wednesday! We Need All We Can Get!!

United States in RECESSION
 The recession has hit everybody really hard...
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen..
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
History will re-name this President "Owe" Bama.

And, finally....
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I said I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

And on a lighter note ......

Where do red-headed babies come from? 
After their baby was born, the new father who was  quite perturbed, went to  see his wife's obstetrician. 
'Doctor, said the man, I'm am quite upset because my daughter has red hair!'  'She can't possibly be mine!' 
'Nonsense!' the doctor said, 'Even though you, and your wife have black hair, one of your ancestor's may have contributed red hair to the pool.' 
'It isn't possible,' the man insisted.  'This can't be, our families on BOTH sides had jet black hair for generations!'  
'Well, said the doctor, let me ask you this, how often do you have sex?'

The man now embarrassed, replies
sheepishly, 'I've been working very hard for the last year, and we only made love once or twice every few months.'
'Well, there you have it,' said the doctor, confidently,
It's Rust! 

Smile, giggle or laugh out loud, that's what makes life worth living!!


kris... said...

OMGosh, that is so funny! Thanks for the giggle.

TexWisGirl said...

i heard leno use some of these jokes last night... :)

Κωστής Τζαγκαράκης said...

Thank you for the loughs Sylvia.
I needed them.

Cildemer said...

He he he! What a fun!
Thanks for sharing, Sylvia;o)

Hope you are having a nice and happy week****

George said...

I really enjoyed the story of where red-headed babies come from. The first part of your post was funny, but contained a bit too much truth for comfort.

Kay said...

Too too funny! I love it!

Samson said...

now i know where the red head babies come from LOL

Indrani said...

That was funny! I was seriously reading it to find the end of the mystery.

Jack said...

You are a funny girl, Sylvia.

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

Portland Time