And That's When the Fight Started!!

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas

Gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

________________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we

Were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my

Order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself.."

And that's when the fight started.....

_______________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion,

And she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at

A nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed, "He'''''s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to

Drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't

Been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating

That long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to

Me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to

Take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more

Important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,

Busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched

Silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a

Minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When

You finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,

And slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van

And proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing

50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered

That the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back

Into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation,

And whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid

Husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming

Anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3

Seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started.......

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for

Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to

verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come

back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'

and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the

Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You

might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to

pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.