These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! ___________________________________________ 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. ________________________________________________ FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. ________________________________________________________ Must sell washer and dryer $100. _____________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, $200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. (Statement of the Century) ___________________________________________________________ Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" ____________________________________________________________ TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? __________________________________ Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. |
And the pics of the day are .......
What kind of cheese did you say this is?? And how much does it cost??
Hey! This is pretty cool! Can I have it?
10 comments:
Enjoyed the jokes will email them to some teacher friends.. LOL.. I bought Corel Paint shop Pro on line for about $50.00 special. Still trying to figure it out but seems to be working ok/easy
These jokes are really funny, Sylvia!
Happy Tuesday :-)
have read some of those before, but no matter, they always make me laugh!
Ha ha! Great to start the day off with a laugh, Sylvia. Loved the jokes.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! That certainly did it for me.
You're a hoot, Sylvia. Do you know anyone who could use a set of encyclopedias?
Oh I love those dog ads! And love the bird and cheese!
Just awesome , loved the answers from the Kids .
Haha love those jokes, and the cute little birds.
Loved the funny ads and the cute photos. Thanks for sharing!
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