I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

How About Some British Humor for the Day?


 
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
___________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
________________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
________________________________________________________
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $100.
_____________________________________________________________
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
___________________________________________________________
And the WINNER is...
FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, $200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
(Statement of the Century)
___________________________________________________________
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
____________________________________________________________
Children Are Quick
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
And the pics of the day are .......
 What kind of cheese did you say this is?? And how much does it cost??
 
 
Hey! This is pretty cool! Can I have it?

11 comments:

Joe Todd said...

Enjoyed the jokes will email them to some teacher friends.. LOL.. I bought Corel Paint shop Pro on line for about $50.00 special. Still trying to figure it out but seems to be working ok/easy

Pietro said...

These jokes are really funny, Sylvia!
Happy Tuesday :-)

TexWisGirl said...

have read some of those before, but no matter, they always make me laugh!

NixBlog said...

Ha ha! Great to start the day off with a laugh, Sylvia. Loved the jokes.

Arija said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! That certainly did it for me.

Jack said...

You're a hoot, Sylvia. Do you know anyone who could use a set of encyclopedias?

Reena Walkling said...

Oh I love those dog ads! And love the bird and cheese!

Linda Reeder said...

That was fun!

Team G Square said...

Just awesome , loved the answers from the Kids .

nana_ang_poppaphil said...

Haha love those jokes, and the cute little birds.

eileeninmd said...

Loved the funny ads and the cute photos. Thanks for sharing!

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

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