I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

If My Body Was a Car!!

 This is just too funny - scary how true it is!!!
 If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about 
 trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and 
 scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull...
 but that's not the worst of it.
 My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see  things up close.
 My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
 It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns 
 But here's the worst of it,
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter,  either my radiator leaks or my exhaust  backfires.
Can you tell I'm approaching another birthday????

And then there's this one!

 The government today announced that it is changing its symbol for Congress to a CONDOM, because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance ... a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!!

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!!!


Black Jack's Carol said...

I will leave my comment here, after admiring your "Our World" photos and smiling at some of the familiar "bumps and dents" we obviously share. I know your birthday will bring lots of laughs, so I know it will be a happy one. As for your maximum speed, all the more fun and all the more beauty you will find with those extra hours to get there :)

Mama Zen said...

Oh, that's hilarious!

Lois said...

Very funny Sylvia and so true!

Christine said...

Hilarious! Both of them. Mind if I steal the condom one?

Sally in WA said...

The condom one is soooo true, Sylvia. Thanks for the smile!

NixBlog said...

Too funny, Sylvia. Great to start my day with a laugh. Enjoy the rest of the week.

Lowell said...

Okay, you got me laughing out loud! I'd laugh some more at the first piece, but I slipped on a rubber and broke my leg!

Spare Parts and Pics said...

Like everyone else, I'm laughing out loud as I read your post... funny, sad, true all at the same time!

Spare Parts and Pics said...

PS: Happy birthday!

Jack said...

You are a scandalous old bird, Sylvia!

Margie's Musings said...

I too chuckled.

George said...

Reading this, I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Κωστής Τζαγκαράκης said...

Thank you Sylvia for the loughs..
How true both jokes are..
And scary as you say... but that's reality.

PerthDailyPhoto said...

So funny Sylvia and all true EXCEPT for the sneeze, cough and splutter bit, havn't quite got there yet hahahahahahha!

Jo said...

Happy Birthday Sylvia! Hope you have a wonderful year. Greetings, Jo

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

Portland Time