I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Getting Old??? Surely You Jest!!!


ROMANCE 
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. 
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting.." 
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. 
A few moments later she said: "Then, you used to kiss me.." 
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. 
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then, you used to bite my neck..." 
Angrily, he threw back the bed sheets and got out of bed. 
"Where are you going?" she asked. 
"To get my teeth!" 
_____________________________________ 
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER 
80-year old Bessie bursts into the recreation room at the retirement home. 
She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!" 
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" 
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough." 
_____________________________________ 
OLD FRIENDS 
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. 
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name... I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." 
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes, she just stared and glared at her. 
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" 
_____________________________________ 
SENIOR DRIVING 
As a senior citizen was driving down the highway, his car phone rang. 
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-25. Please be careful!" 
"Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car... It's hundreds of them!" 
_____________________________________ 
SUPERSEX 
An old lady with dementia was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. 
As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." 
She ran to an old man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown up at him, she said, "Supersex." 
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup." 
_____________________________________ 
DRIVING 
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through. 
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." 
After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. 
At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. 
So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" 
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"


17 comments:

Mama Zen said...

These are so funny!

TexWisGirl said...

oh my gosh! that last one did me in!

jabblog said...

Love them:-))

Lois said...

Very funny Sylvia! Thanks for making me laugh today :)

Jo said...

OMW Each one was funnier than the last! Thanks for a great chuckle, Sylvia. I hope you're having a great day. Jo

This Is My Blog - fishing guy said...

Sylvia: Things sure do happen as you get older. I hope you had a great birthday.

Κωστής Τζαγκαράκης said...

The only way to enjoy what comes with age, is to get a lough out of it Sylvia.
Thank you for making my evening.
Costas

James said...

lol! Too funny!

It seems like as I grow older the definition of old age gets pushed out more and more. Fifty used to seem like the start of old age and sixty was time for a hair bun and a rocking chair,sixty five was time for the old folks home. Now 80 is the new 50. Who knows what I'll think twenty years from now. :)

joy said...

very funny!

Pam :) said...

Some of these sound almost to familiar to be funny :)
Thank for the chuckle, Sylvia.
Have a great day :)

NixBlog said...

Ha! Very funny, Sylvia! Have a lovely day.

Janie said...

Pretty funny, the last one especially.

Margie's Musings said...

Great jokes!

Kay said...

Thanks for the laugh today, Sylvia!

Jack said...

Those are so funny, Sylvia. By the way, what am I holding in my hand?

Gattina said...

Very funny ! I have a true story about Italian Mammas !

PerthDailyPhoto said...

Still laughing Sylvia!!!

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

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