I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Church Ladies With Typewriters! They're Back!!

Always happy to have those Church Ladies back!! Wonderful church bulletins and church ladies with typewriters! These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals!
  (my favorite way to fast!)

2.  The sermon this morning:  Jesus Walks on the Water.
     The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.

3.  Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale! It's a chance to get rid of those things
    not worth keeping around the house! Bring your husbands.

4.  Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone
    who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you!

5.  Don't  let worry kill you off -- let the church help.

6. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure 
   to the congregation!

7. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

8.  Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.  They need all the help they can get!

9. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in church. So ends a friendship 
   that began in their school days.

10. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow!

11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?". Come early and listen          to  our choir practice!

12. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to     the  deterioration of some older ones.

13.  Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

14.  The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility!

15.  Potluck supper on Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

16.  The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They maybe seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

17.  This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket  and come prepared to sin.

18.  Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done! 

19. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday!

20.  Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door!

21.  The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy!

22.  Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

23.  The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: " I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours!!"


12 comments:

TexWisGirl said...

thanks for the giggles!

Κωστής Τζαγκαράκης said...

Ohhh Sylvia..!!!
I love those Church Ladies for making my evening.
Costas

louciao said...

Too funny! Almost enough to make me go to church...but why bother when I can get the best parts here.

Merisi said...

*giggles*

Wonder what happens when the Church Ladies go to confession! ;)

Yogi♪♪♪ said...

That's pretty funny, poor church ladies with typewriters, they are just trying to help.

Mama Zen said...

That last one made me laugh out loud!

Priscilla said...

Wow your posts are so amazing and this one really inspires me!

Blow A Rainbow
Blow a Rainbow on Facebook

check out my blog and leave me a comment about my NEW POST.
I'll wait you there dear.Have a Nice Day!

This is Belgium said...

fuuuunny Sylvia
wishing you a blast this week !
anni

Betsy Adams said...

HA HA HA---I love reading these things. YES--I guess there will be 'music' after the BEAN dinner!!!!!!! ha

Hugs,
Betsy

Linda Reeder said...

Those actually made me laugh. Usually I just grin.

PerthDailyPhoto said...

No.22....what are they trying to say haha!

George said...

Thanks for ending my day with many smiles.

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

Portland Time