Suthunuhs! You Do Know Who Those Are? Right?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!! A good friend of mine -- knowing I was born in Texas sent me this one!! And, yes, it's true!! Southerners know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity ------------------------- Southerners know their vacation spots: The beach The rivuh The crick -------- Southerners know everybody's first name: Honey Darlin' Shugah -------- Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind ----------- Southerners know their religions: Bapdiss Methdiss Football -------------- Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Chawl'stn S'vanah Foat Wuth N'awlins Addlanna --------------- Southerners know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler ----------------- Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall The Country Club The Beauty Salon -------------- Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails Having bad manners Cooking bad food ---------- Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. _____ Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." _____ Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." _____ Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly." _____ Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. _____ All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. _____ Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'! _____ Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that"just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. _____ Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. _____ No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. _____ A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. _____ Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody! _____ Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. _____ In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural. _____ Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. _____ Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain't right without Tabasco, and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. _____ When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _____ Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. _____ And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her sweet little heart"... and go your own way. _____ To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your little heart! _____ And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff....bless your hearts, I hear they're fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! _____ Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fah-evah! Suthun women know how to treat their man, even when he's being stupid. Bless em they don't know no betta. There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living" for good reason. There ain't nobody interested in livin' up north, nobody would buy the magazine! Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.

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