I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Friday, October 10, 2014

British Humor is a Tad Different, But Fun!! Ready to Giggle??

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!___________________________________________

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

Must sell washer and dryer £100.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
And the WINNER is...

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

(Statement of the Century)
Children Are Quick
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.


Anonymous said...

I loved every one of them!!! Maybe that is why PG Wodehouse is one of my favourite authors and Monty Python the best thing that ever happened to humour.

Lois said...

I love starting off my morning with a good laugh! Thanks Sylvia.

Jo said...

I always love your funnies, Sylvia. Hope you're enjoying your day. You sure made mine! Jo


They're all so good. That last one is the winner. You save the best for last. lol

PerthDailyPhoto said...

Love British humour, thanks for the laughs Sylvia, have a super weekend.

George said...

Thanks for brightening up my morning. I do enjoy British humor, but kids say the darndest things!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
There should have been a splutter warning - I had tea in hand!!! &*> YAM xx

TexWisGirl said...

the kind you can read once, and again, and again and still laugh each time. :)

EG CameraGirl said...

Thanks for making me laugh, Sylvia, but I hope the light at the end of the tunnel stays on. ;)

Indrani said...

Awesome! had a good laugh on all of them. :D

Anonymous said...

Wide awake at 2:20 a.m. in California. Bah. Thanks for the great dose of humor to take the edge off of my insomnia.

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

Portland Time