These are classified
ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!___________________________________________
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!___________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
________________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is
a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog,
able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
_______________________________________________________
COWS, CALVES: NEVER
BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
________________________________________________________
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and
dryer £100.
_____________________________________________________________
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
___________________________________________________________
And the WINNER is...
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.Excellent condition, £200
or best offer.
No longer needed, got
married, wife knows everything.
(Statement of the
Century)
Children Are Quick
TEACHER: Why are you
late?
STUDENT: Class started
before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do
it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's
wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is
wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you
talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you
said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot
closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie.....
Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I
am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George
still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't
have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's
the same dog.
(I want to adopt this
kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
11 comments:
I loved every one of them!!! Maybe that is why PG Wodehouse is one of my favourite authors and Monty Python the best thing that ever happened to humour.
I love starting off my morning with a good laugh! Thanks Sylvia.
I always love your funnies, Sylvia. Hope you're enjoying your day. You sure made mine! Jo
Excellent!!!
They're all so good. That last one is the winner. You save the best for last. lol
Love British humour, thanks for the laughs Sylvia, have a super weekend.
Thanks for brightening up my morning. I do enjoy British humor, but kids say the darndest things!
Hari OM
There should have been a splutter warning - I had tea in hand!!! &*> YAM xx
the kind you can read once, and again, and again and still laugh each time. :)
Thanks for making me laugh, Sylvia, but I hope the light at the end of the tunnel stays on. ;)
Awesome! had a good laugh on all of them. :D
Wide awake at 2:20 a.m. in California. Bah. Thanks for the great dose of humor to take the edge off of my insomnia.
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