I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Alerts to Threats in Europe!!

But you know me and my weirdo sense of humor, so don’t be afraid to read on down!!!

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, whejn threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC. 


Audrey said...

Très drôle :0)

PerthDailyPhoto said...

Crikey you did it again Sylvia, you made me lol :)

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Only Cleese could get away with this really!!! Spanish navy old and new BRRWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.... ahem.... Of course this is true irony at work.

We just don't learn from history, but are destined to repeat it. YAM xx

TexWisGirl said...

oh, dear. we need a good US whipping, too.

George said...


Mama Zen said...

This is hilarious!

Lois said...

Pretty funny Sylvia!

magiceye said...

That was downright hilarious!!

Shall share the humour on Facebook :)

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

This is so funny! I love John Cleese; wish Monty Python was still on BBC.

Angie said...

This is so funny, Sylvia, where do you get them from!Enjoy the days to come.

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

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