Andy Rooney thinks about women over 50.
As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Women over 50 are dignified.. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest.. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 50, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!
And while we're talking about old women ......
Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old woman, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.
'No, I don't,' she replied.
'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry,
Then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'
She didn't crack a smile.
'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.
'What's so funny?' he asked.
'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'
(Gotta watch those little old women! Their minds are always working!)
How Dinosaurs Became Extinct.
The very first "senior moment."
