I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Valuable Information!! And Some Senior Funnies for the Day!

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...
and  those who don't.


As Ben Franklin  said:
In  wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
in water  there is bacteria.


In a number of carefully controlled  trials,
scientists  have demonstrated that if we drink
1  liter of water each day,
at  the end of the year we would have absorbed
more  than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria
found  in feces.
In  other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of  poop..


However,
we  do NOT run that risk when drinking wine and  beer
(or  tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
because  alcohol has to go through a purification  process
of  boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.


Remember:


Water  = Poop,
Wine  = Health.


Therefore,  it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water  and be full of crap.


There  is no need to thank me for this valuable  information:
I'm  doing it as a public  service!   

And this bit of elderly humor was sent to me by my very dear, friend who is in her late 80s and this is how we can keep going!! It's called LAUGHTER!! Have you got a sense of humor? Are you ready for some giggles?


 Getting old in Arizona  
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in  Scottsdale , doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'
The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'

**********************************************************
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in Phoenix reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece..
The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.
**********************************************************
A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Sun Lakes, an   Arizona Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'
He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'
'So, where were you all these years?'
'In prison,' he says.
'Why did they put you in prison?'
He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'
'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'

 
**********************************************************
Two elderly people living in    Apache Junction, he was a widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse.
The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, 'Will you marry me?'
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered 'Yes. Yes, I will!'
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. 'Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?'
He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her..
First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, 'When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ' Yes' or did you say 'No'?'
He was delighted to hear her say, 'Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart.' Then she continued, 'And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.'
**********************************************************
A man was telling his neighbor in Mesa , 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
**********************************************************
A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper', an ice cream parlor in Gilbert , and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids
**********************************************************
Life is short! 
Break the rules! 
Forgive quickly! 
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably.. 
And never regret 
anything that made you smile 
The best things in life are free until the government finds out and taxes it.
  

 

8 comments:

George said...

Thanks for both the information and the funnies. Both made my day.

Pietro said...

Sylvia, thanks for sharing this very funny post! I like also the last lines: "The best things in life are free until the government finds out and taxes it.", it's so true!

Martha Z said...

I knew there was a good reason for my nightly glass of wine. I don't think I will give up drinking water, though.

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Funny Sylvia -- you know what's really odd? Those same people live here in Florida.

lotusleaf said...

The same people live in India too!

Sridharan said...

Funny thoughts..Interesting to note that how people are so addicted to the bacteria that they are to be reminded of such facts from time to time...(lol)!

Arija said...

You are a dear delightful friend!!!!

Thank you.

forgetmenot said...

Oh Sylvia, Your elderly humor is just "awful"---and funny, funny, funny. I laughed outloud several times. Thanks for sharing. Gosh, I'm going to have to check your blog "everyday" whether I'm busy or not--I don't want to miss a thing. Mickie =)

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

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