Valuable Information!! And Some Senior Funnies for the Day!

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...

and  those who don't.


As Ben Franklin  said:
In  wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
in water  there is bacteria.


In a number of carefully controlled  trials,
scientists  have demonstrated that if we drink
1  liter of water each day,
at  the end of the year we would have absorbed
more  than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria
found  in feces.
In  other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of  poop..


However,
we  do NOT run that risk when drinking wine and  beer
(or  tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
because  alcohol has to go through a purification  process
of  boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.


Remember:


Water  = Poop,
Wine  = Health.


Therefore,  it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water  and be full of crap.


There  is no need to thank me for this valuable  information:
I'm  doing it as a public  service!   

And this bit of elderly humor was sent to me by my very dear, friend who is in her late 80s and this is how we can keep going!! It's called LAUGHTER!! Have you got a sense of humor? Are you ready for some giggles?

Getting old in Arizona   Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in  Scottsdale , doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?' The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.' The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?' The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.' After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?' ********************************************************** Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in Phoenix reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.. The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about. ********************************************************** A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Sun Lakes, an   Arizona Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?' He replies, 'I lived here years ago.' 'So, where were you all these years?' 'In prison,' he says. 'Why did they put you in prison?' He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.' 'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'  ********************************************************** Two elderly people living in    Apache Junction, he was a widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse. The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, 'Will you marry me?' After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered 'Yes. Yes, I will!' The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. 'Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?' He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.. First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, 'When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ' Yes' or did you say 'No'?' He was delighted to hear her say, 'Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart.' Then she continued, 'And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.' ********************************************************** A man was telling his neighbor in Mesa , 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.' ********************************************************** A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper', an ice cream parlor in Gilbert , and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids ********************************************************** Life is short!  Break the rules!  Forgive quickly!  Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably..  And never regret  anything that made you smile  The best things in life are free until the government finds out and taxes it.

 

To Those Who Enjoy a Glass of Wine Etc.

This is interesting! And to paraphrase W.C. Fields,
I don't drink water, because fish shit in it.



To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...
and those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop..

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water and be full of crap.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service!

New Wine for Seniors

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as

PINOT MORE

I hope you all realize that from time to time I have to take a break and post something totally silly. There is so much pain and anguish in this world that sometimes the only way to catch your breath is to find something -- however silly or foolish to move you beyond to that place where you can breathe again. That is what the occasionally silly, crazy things are for -- for me and hopefully for you -- just a little laugh therapy can work wonders. We still have work to do.

Important Health Advice for Women

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Chardonnay. Chardonnay is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Chardonnay can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Chardonnay almost immediately andwith a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstaclesthat prevent you from living the life you want to live! Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.

Chardonnay may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Chardonnay. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister!

WARNINGS: -

*The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

* The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

* The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to think you can sing.

* The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

* The consumption of Chardonnay may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good dry Merlot !!!

What can I say???? Seemed like time for a little humor!