'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour But,
by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
' For fast relief.'
THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
The Power of a Badge!
DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.
"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given.
Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, says, "OK" and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's huge Santa Gertrudis bull...
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety.. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge......
Show him your F#*@KING BADGE ! "
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!!!
15 comments:
ahhh, my laugh for the day! Mahalo, Sylvia!
Oh yes!! Love the leotard one!
ROFLMAO!!! Too funny. I love the DEA agent and Farmer. Good for him. Loved these. Thanks for sharing :)
Thank you for showing wonderful scenery.
From the Far East.
Greetings.
I LOVE these. Of course, the fact that many of them seem to be addressed to me helps. Thanks for the chuckles.
These were all hilarious, Sylvia. Thanks for my LOL for today.
I'm laughing, Sylvia! I'm laughing!
Your senility jokes are funny even though they're too true.
Those are fantastic! The bull was funny enough but when the farmer started yelling I just laughed out loud.
Thanks Sylvia! I need more of that!
hilarious!!!! thank you!!
I am so taking these to share with my senior walking group friends. So funny.
Another perfectly good pair of underwear, ruined.
I hope you're happy!
...'cause I am!
:)
Oh my, these are just wonderful. I'll have to email them to Hubby's computer.
Leotard on...hah, as time goes on it is definitely harder to bend and do stuff that was easier not long ago. It´s scary.
Thanks for sharing the chuckles! The quote at the end is sooooo true! You might enjoy the brief video clip I've shared at Happily Retired Gal ... it make ME laugh each time I look at it ;-)
Hugs and blessings,
Oh too funny - I've come across a few badge carriers before!
Post a Comment