I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Priceless Observations Department:

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin. - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. - Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal



And the cardiologist's diet: -
If it tastes good spit it out.

11 comments:

Arija said...

what wonderful truism you have collected.
Thank you dear friend for waking me up to make me smile.
The last one really hit home, my cardiologist has forbidden salt. Is life worth living eating bland food without flavour?
I may not have much time left but it will feel like a million years.

Love . . . Arija

White House said...

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Admin
Jerry Thomas
http://whitehouse-org.blogspot.com/

LD said...

These are great -- I like the George Burns' having the beginning and end of a sermon as close together as possible.

Nessa said...

Each one is better than the next.

Denise said...

These are most definitely priceless Sylvia. Thanks for this post and thanks for stopping by.

Wanda said...

Oh thank you Sylvia for some real entertainment today...some I laughed out loud!

SandyCarlson said...

That was a good laugh, through and through, Sylvia. I enjoyed every one of them.

George said...

Thanks, Sylvia. These are indeed priceless.

Serline said...

My son probably shares the same sentiments as Joe Namath...

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Good stuff Sylvia. I've had a lot of trouble leaving comments on your site lately. As long as I don't have trouble READING it I'm OK though ;>)

Susan at Stony River said...

Excellent!

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

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