I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Some Humor for Wednesday!

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you're naked in church.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.

I may be schizophrenic,
But at least I have each other.

I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.

KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

Dyslexics Have More Fnu.

I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

When you work here,
You can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".

Money isn't everything,
But it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Reality is only an illusion
That occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway,
his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car
going the wrong way on 280 Interstate.
Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of
them!"

Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake,she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great.... Some asshole's got my pen!'

11 comments:

BlossomFlowerGirl said...

Excellent, I love jokes and these cheered me up no end. Have a nice day.

Yogi♪♪♪ said...

Pretty funny there Sylvia except I have always thought Utah was lots more progressive than Oklahoma.

Pietro said...

Very funny!
"My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be."
Fantastic!
Thanks to you, Sylvia, for your always nice comments on my blog!

Thom said...

LOL too funny. I am having an out of money experience ROFLMAO!!! I have that daily LOL Thanks for the laughs :) Have a great day :)

Joan said...

Oh thank you for a good chuckle. I was saying to a friend recently that I hadn't heard a good joke in a while.

Nessa said...

Jeez, one funnier than the next.

Kay L. Davies said...

Oh what fun!
Laughed myself silly.

Jay said...

Hahahahaaha!! Love them. Some I've heard before, but they still make me laugh! LOL!

They're all so good it's hard to pick one out for special mention!

Arija said...

Thank you so much Sylvia, you have just made my day. There's not been much to laugh about lately and I just got one.

Love Arija

Susan at Stony River said...

There's some great ones in there -- I loved them all. Thanks for the smiles Sylvia!

George said...

Thanks for the chuckles, even if I did get to them a day late.

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

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