I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Church Ladies With typewriters . . .


They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:   


The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' 
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. 
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. 
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.. 
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. 
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.. 
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. 
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done. 
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. 
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.


Oh, and a last minute note!

HOW TO SPOT A METH LAB
As a law enforcement officer I have been approached by several people lately wanting to know how to identify a Meth Lab. Here is a picture of four Labs.  I think it's pretty obvious which one is the Meth Lab.  I hope this helps. Let me know if I can be of any further service in this matter.
Your local Sheriff




14 comments:

George said...

Thanks for the smiles and chuckles today. I really needed them as we're preparing for another bout of winter weather.

forgetmenot said...

Sylvia, I actually laughed out loud at some of your Church bloopers--they were hilarious! Thanks for sharing them--the day always goes better if you start it off with a laugh. Have a good day too. Mickie

Candace said...

These were hilarious! Thanks for the laughs today.

Yogi♪♪♪ said...

You crack me up. I love the church ladies casting off their clothing and the meth lab is hilarious.

Kay said...

Oh my! I love it! I really needed a mid-week laugh and you have given it to me. Have a great rest of the week, Sylvia!

Marie said...

Very funny! I especially liked the meth lab -- that made me laugh out loud :-)

Marie
bonkersinbarnhart.com

lotusleaf said...

So wonderful to start my day with some laughter!The meth lab gets my vote too.

magiceye said...

that was a laugh riot!!

Al said...

You definitely brought a smile to my face, and I needed one tonight!

A couple of weeks ago I was starting an IM conversation with someone at work. I hit Enter a little too quickly, so the first word he saw from me was the first four letters of "Hello" - the fourth entry here made me remember that.

SandyCarlson said...

You make me laugh, Sylvia! Thanks.

Team G Square said...

Wonderful and hilarious . Loved the rummage sale

Grayquill said...

Those were pretty good. I had heard some of those before but there were plenty I had not heard. Thanks! Good chuckles.

Serline said...

You got me rolling on the floor laughing... those about the choirs remind me of the church choir in Singapore, for which my hubby sang baritone. 'Nuff said ;-P

Maria Berg said...

Well you made my smile again and I did post this on my facebook linking back to you.
Take care, MB

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

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