You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house- mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favourite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favourite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door
In your 90's and beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
Sylvia's world in thoughts and pictures
I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!
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I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.
15 comments:
How did you know! Funny
Funny. And kind of sad, because too much of it is true!
LOL good one Sylvia!
Have a nice weekend.
Loved it -- but laughed out loud at the 'fart and think someone called your name'. Now every time I go to Home Depot I'm going to look around at the fellas and laugh, no matter their age!
I appreciate your humorouspieces but need the aphorisms more for sanity I think, Did I say that? Thanks as usual for your warmth and kindness,
fondly
You do come up with some good ones, Sylvia!
Heisann!
OHHHH, You are one of those behind the Sky Watch, so nice that you droped in my blog!
I want to document the weather (vær og vind) by my photos, so there will be no doubt next year about what kind of weather we had this year! Most of the pictures are from the area where I live, but there can be exceptions, of course, from travels and the "resort Lia".
I´m in the late 50s . Recognizing myself in the description. We "cling to youth in us" ... it sounds much better in Norwegian!
Have a nice weekend!
Heisann, clarification: I´m a female ;:OD) !!!! Thinking of the men´s age.....
hehehe!! Funny and you may have some older men hotly contesting your depiction of them!
I am intrigued with the previous commentor's comments!!
I found this to be very funny, but I'm not telling which age bracket I felt best described me.
Oh, dear. Sadly, more truth than fiction.
There are hot chicks at Home Depot? Man, did I ever miss out.
K;
Another funny one Sylvia;
My husband got a kick out of this one too! He also checked out his age category and said "that's not me, right?' I said oh no honey!!!
Have a great weekend Sylvia!
So true and so funny. I´m there between 30 and 40 and that had some truth in it. I wish I had a sports car at 50 but I´m not sure if I can fit in to ne of those small cars.
Oh crap, something to look forward to.
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