A good friend sent me this one this morning, it's gray, chilly and rainy and this was just the laugh I needed to get the day going. Hope it provides a chuckle or two!
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T..'
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for this is my body..' He did not say 'Eat me'.
12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'..
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
The Origination of this letter is unknown.
Sylvia's world in thoughts and pictures
I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!
What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.
13 comments:
I've seen this before but it still raises a laugh . .. thank you!
LOL! Nothing like a little irreverent (is that a pun?) humor!
Too funny Sylvia!
Craig
Sylvia - that is a soooo funny. I needed that laugh today, getting my new blog off the ground!!!
Thanks for the chuckle, I needed it!
I had some really crazy internet problems, if by chance you left a comment, it was lost :(
Hope the sun comes out soon.
Sunny :)
Thanks for passing this one on, Sylvia... I laughed until I cried :D
I picture the flock, would they laugh or just sit there with their jaws dropped open? Funny stuff. Thanks.
Thanks for the wonderful laugh, Sylvia!
Some people just have to spoil the fun by making too many notes.
Teeheheee -- sure would have loved to hear that particular mass! ;D
Pretty darned funny!
Only a sip? That was funny Sylvia.
Have a good weekend.
U
It's now the next morning, foggy instead of rainy, but this is still funny!
Post a Comment