I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Embarrassing Medical Exams

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . ..'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had
died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4.. During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.. ' Which one ?'. . . I asked. 'The patch... The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
Norfolk, VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered .. . .. ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis, OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . . Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . ..

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said.....
'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down
her cheeks from laughing so hard . .. ..
'No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . ..
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '
Doctor wouldn't submit his name....

15 comments:

Deborah Godin said...

Almost sprayed coffee all over my computer after that last one!

Craig Glenn said...

OMG that was so funny!

Craig

Bonnie Zieman, M.Ed. said...

Thanks - those will keep me giggling for the rest of the day!

Sally in WA said...

These are so funny. Thanks for the smile!

nsiyer said...

Nice ones, Sylvia, really enjoyed it after a hard day's work.

Roshni said...

Its great to be back at your blog with such an amazingly funny post!!!

Sunny said...

I needed a good laugh, thanks for providing it! Too funny!
Sunny :)

Elizabeth Bradley said...

I'm laffin and laffin.

Alyssa Ast said...

hahahahaha you have made my day!

Peggy said...

Sylvia;

I was feeling a little sleepy this afternoon but to late for a nap and too early for a cocktail. After reading all the little stories, I am still crying from laughing and feel rejuvinated enough to start cooking dinner. Thank you so much.
The last one was the killer, still picturing that one in my brain!

ms toast burner said...

LOL, very good!

Janie said...

Great selection! I had several chuckles throughout.

Susan at Stony River said...

Wonderful--makes me wonder why my doctor doesn't smile more, if there are moments like this to remember! LOL

Linda Reeder said...

These are indeed very funny!
I went to see a back specialist today and my husband came along. When the Dr came in I introduced "my husband". In the interview process he asked if I was married. I said yes with a grin and indicated Tom sitting next to me. The Dr said that he thought I said "my son" when I introduced him. Theat led to a funny exchange about looking very old, or very young, or someone had a serious problem. It was one of the few times when the Dr broke into a smile/grin.

Kay said...

Too too hilarious! Lots of laughing out louds over here.

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

Portland Time