I miss you Sam!!

I miss you Sam!!
I miss you Sam!!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Another Walmart Husband!!!

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WALMART.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local WALMART:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our  store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away' This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.


Wanda said...

HaHaHa, and I was planning a trip to Walmart. My dearest is staying home!!

magiceye said...

lol! that was indeed a laugh riot!!

Dianne said...

love it!!
I want to go to Walmart right now and do these things
see what you started ;)

Hope sends hugs

Andrea said...

Hi my first time here, hilarious post! You made my day. I will pass it on to my friends to make their day too! thanks.

Jack said...

Your photographs are great, Sylvia, but things like this make me almost wet my pants.

lotusleaf said...

Hilarious! I hope you have not given ideas to some people!

Jama said...

This is hilarious!

Stewart M said...

Once upon a time (and this is a true story) I was very bored when shopping with my wife in a super market. To keep me interested I started impersonating the final seconds of the animals, fish and (strange as it may seem) the vegetables that were on the shelves - we both found it very funny - although no one else seemed to!!

Think I was a bit keen to put up my Friday post - did it a whole day early! Thanks for looking anyway!

Cheers - Stewart M

Kay said...

Too too funny! My sister in law works for Walmart. I'm going to send this to her.

mississippi artist said...

Too funny! I wonder how many of these I could try and get away with. LOL.

Team G Square said...

Hilarious .

George said...

This is too funny. Thanks for brightening my day.

jabblog said...


♥~Judy~♥ said...

I hope this does not start something at stores and grocers. I worked in retail for a number of years, and you certainly do get your share of strange behavior - but somehow it is always staff's responsibility to maintain calm. lol. I had two women fist fighting over some silverware one time. One was a off duty police woman, the other was stuffing her purse. The police lady whispered in my ear and the shoplifter jumped her. This was my second week as assistant manager in the store. lol

What Can I Say?

What Can I Say?
I'm interested in almost everything. Use to like to travel, but it's too expensive now. I take Tai Chi classes, swim, volunteer in a Jump-start program for pre-schoolers. I'm an avid reader and like nearly everyone these days I follow politics avidly. I'm a former teacher and Special Projects Coordinator for a Telecommunications company, Assistant to the President of a Japanese silicon wafer manufacturing company. Am now enjoying retirement -- most of the time. I have two daughters, one son-in-law and two sons scattered all over the country. No grandchildren.

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