Best Smart Ass Answers of the Year!!!

 Even when things are difficult you can always find a reason to laugh!!

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight.  
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.  
'What are my choices?'  John asked.  
'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.  
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'

SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #1
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.  When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

A BONUS EXTRA
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly... I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.  (This is how men end up on milk cartons)!

AND! The door mats for the week are!

Happy Sunday to You All from Seattle!

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.  ~ Mark Twain

Things are just a bit difficult here in my pocket of  Seattle, but wanted to wish you all a very beautiful day and a wonderful  new week!!

Shadow Shot Sunday!

Get out the magnifying glass, get into your best sleuthing clothes and start prowling your environment looking for those wonderful, but sometimes elusive shadows. This fun and challenging meme is hosted each week by Tracy over at Hey Harriet! Click on the icon, sign up and show us how clever you are!

Had to hunt high and low for shadows this week, but here's what I finally came up with! Hope everyone has had a great week and that you're ready to play all weekend long!! Click on the photo to embiggen for a better look!

Weekend Reflections

Weekend Reflections is hosted by James each week beginning Friday at 11 AM. It's another wonderful way of opening your eyes to new and different kinds of beauty. Click on the icon and join us! If the icon doesn't work here is the address and you can click on it instead: http://newtowndailyphoto.blogspot.com/

Blogger has a bunch of new stuff all of a sudden, so I'm not exactly sure how this is going to come out! I took the photos down at the harbor last night and the colors were pretty spectacular! It was definitely a night of golden reflections! Click on any of the pics to embiggen and see in greater detail! Enjoy your day!

The Guardian Goddess
of the Earth,
streaks
through the skies
her
long
jet black tresses
trailing
across the skies.

Adorned
by a polite Sun
who is
actually
trying to meet
Lady Pacifica.....

And so
a Sylvan lady
standing
at the harbor
consoles
the Sun
saying,
"You do that everyday;
Now stand still,
while I take your picture,
before the Goddess
moves,
to other lands
and other oceans
taking
all the golden trinkets
in her hair
with her ..... " 

Posted by Ugich Konitari to Sylvia From Over the Hill at September 24, 2010 8:41 PM

Sky Watch Friday!

Time to share your skies, the beauty over your world, the clouds, the colors! Sky Watch is hosted each week by Klaus and the Sky Watch team of Klaus, Sandy, Wren, Fishing Guy and me. Join us and the many people from all over the world who share theirs with us each week! Click on the icon and sign up today!

Once again we've had a little of everything this week, but in between the gray, grumpy skies there have been the glorious ones!

I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up! — Mark Twain




The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. — Mark Twain



When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
— Mark Twain



When angry, count four. When very angry, swear. — Mark Twain



The secret to getting ahead is getting started. — Mark Twain



To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail. — Mark Twain



The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.
— Mark Twain



It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. — Mark Twain

Evening, Wisdom and Beauty

In every act of kindness, there is the seed of healing the world and ourselves.
~ Lee Jampolsky



If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is 'thank you', it will be enough. ~ Meister Eckhart



Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be. ~ Author Unknown

You Are Joking, Aren't You???

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
And the best one of all.
12. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

How About Our World??????

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 'ouncer'.

Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck..

ABC Wednesday - J!

Got your dictionary out? You ready to play with the letters? It's that time again! ABC Wednesday is hosted by Mrs. Denise Nesbitt and the ABC team: Denise, Annelie, Nathalie, Joyce, Donna, Helen, Roger, Troy, Jay, Barb, Gattina and me! So Jump for Joy because today is the J Day and that doesn't mean Jail!! We're going to play something like Jeopardy, listen to a little Jazz while we get ready to Judge all the many Js that we will discover today! Js such as mine for the day!!

Drum roll, please!

J is for Jacaranda tree, for Jacuzzi, for Jalapeno peppers, Jambalaya, Jello, and cool green Jade!



Don't you Just love them? I wish I could tell you that I took all the photos, but unfortunately I don't own any Jade, don't have a Jacuzzi, ran out of Jalapeno peppers and Jacaranda trees don't grow in the northwest and I haven't made Jambalaya or Jello in years --- SO I have to say thank you to Google Photos for providing me with all the great J's for the day. So, don't be Jealous!

That's My World!

That's My World is hosted each week by Klaus and the My World team, Klaus, Sandy, Wren, Fishing Guy and me. Click on the icon and share your world with others from all over Our World! So! How is your world this week? Have you taken time to see the beauty there? What is it about your world that makes you smile or laugh or feel grateful for? You can click on the photos to embiggen and get a better look!

Autumn is slipping quickly into the northwest and while everything hasn't changed, the things that have brought back memories of the beauty we have here in My World at this time of year. I thought today I would share some glimpses of the beauty I have seen since I moved to Seattle. And, of course, my favorite, Mark Twain, always has something worthwhile to think about.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. — Mark Twain



Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. — Mark Twain

And remember to get out and visit other worlds, always a great way to learn about all the wonderful things in Our World!

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime. — Mark Twain

Evening, Wisdom and the Beauty of Autumn

From my lovely friend in Mumbai!

Brilliant skies,
dew-fresh mornings,
fresh
yellow green leaves,
enjoying their first day
in the Kindergaarten woods.

Sunny Days,
a strong crowded green,
hanging out with the crowd,
overlooking the bay,
swinging in the breeze,
flirting in the rain,
its the Teenage Woods.

And then Life
starts
its health lessons,
some tough browning,
pale yellowing,
some angry reds
oranges,
clouds dark with
intention
of the imminent season,
its the Middle-aged woods.

It
happens to all
in nature,
a shedding
of the brown and gold,
shivering in Winter,
tough wood
seasoned by snow
and
conserving
of energy within.

The Senior woods,
a time
to draw around you
a cloud cardigan,
a nip in the air,
a sudden ray of sunlight
and a great cup
of hot tea
with a friend....
Posted by Ugich Konitari to Sylvia From Over the Hill at September 19, 2010 8:57 PM

The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on. ~ Carl Sandburg



Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile. ~ William Cullen Bryant



Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all. ~ Stanley Horowitz

Best Comeback Response of the Year!

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility ......

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes sir.'

Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

Pet Pride!

Hey guys, get up off your tush and lets go see Bozo over at his pad in Mubai! It's always a fun time when we all get together and talk about what's been happin', Bro! You know? Get you human to click on The Man's pic and sign you up! We'll be waiting for you!!



Sam won't look at the camera because he's embarrassed! Last weekend when he and his Mom were visiting a friend, he just walked into the swimming pool!! He thought the cover was hard!! Ha Ha Ha! I can't stop laughing!! If it had been me I would have started swimming laps!!



Oh, Mojo! You have such a big mouth! I don't know why Mom told you! I'm not talking to you for the rest of the day!!

Shadow Shot Sunday!

Get out the magnifying glass, get into your best sleuthing clothes and start prowling your environment looking for those wonderful, but sometimes elusive shadows. This fun and challenging meme is hosted each week by Tracy over at Hey Harriet! Click on the icon, sign up and show us how clever you are!

I did miss you guys last weekend! Thanks so much to those of you who found my post in spite of my not being able to sign in as I didn't have access to a computer or the internet. But I did have fun with my camera! My friend has such an incredible home and such a fantastic view and she helped me get some wonderful shots of Seattle from places I had never been! There wasn't a lot of sunshine, but I managed to find a few shadowy captures once I got home.

Weekend Reflections

Weekend Reflections is hosted by James each week beginning Friday at 11 AM. It's another wonderful way of opening your eyes to new and different kinds of beauty. Click on the icon and join us! If the icon doesn't work here is the address and you can click on it instead: http://newtowndailyphoto.blogspot.com/
I had a great four days with a friend of mine here in Seattle. She has an incredible home, high on a hill with a house and a view to die for! I want to share a few with you today.

This is a reflection of a part of the living room as well as the house across the street in the windows that extend across the entire back of the house.



This is a corner of the deck that surrounds her swimming pool. We had some lovely skies and you can see a tiny reflection of the blue sky/clouds on the top of the small silver lamp. I just loved this corner beside her swimming pool.



Sunlight on the water!



Reflections at the beach!

Sky Watch Friday!

Time to share your skies, the beauty over your world, the clouds, the colors! Sky Watch is hosted each week by Klaus and the Sky Watch team of Klaus, Sandy, Wren, Fishing Guy and me. Join us and the many people from all over the world who share theirs with us each week! Click on the icon and sign up today!

I had a great time at my friend's house last weekend and got lots of pictures although the weather wasn't the very best, the view from her house is totally awesome. And she loves to get out and run around even though she's nine years older than I am. She took me to some great places around the city and I want to share those with you today.

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination. — Mark Twain



A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. — Mark Twain



A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory. — Mark Twain


This one is a little blurry because I was trying to zoom in to be able to catch the lenticular clouds over Mt Rainier, but if you click to embiggen you can get an idea of what they look like.



Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it. — Mark Twain



Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. — Mark Twain



The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. — Mark Twain



Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with. — Mark Twain

Evening, Wisdom and Beauty

For one week, go out of your way to give cheerfully. ~ Lee Jampolsky



Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life. ~ Leo Buscaglia



Posted by Ugich Konitari to Sylvia From Over the Hill at September 15, 2010 8:58 PM

Like
a lady
dressed to the nines,
tiara-ed in silver,
high on heels,
drunk
on the rise
in their narrow world,
windows,
glass glistening
white
in the sun, they stand
at the skyline.

Unaware,
that
the sky,
the clouds,
the land
and minds
are richer
for the
colors of warmth
in a neighborly smile,
colors of shades
of green
on a hot day,
house windows
brushing aside branches
tickling them,
and
so many
black and brown
roofs
on white
picket fence houses
of unique
shapes and sizes
that make this world
a
wonderful
colorful place......


When people are laughing, they're generally not killing each other. ~ Alan Alda

Some Humor for Wednesday!

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you're naked in church.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.

I may be schizophrenic,
But at least I have each other.

I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.

KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

Dyslexics Have More Fnu.

I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

When you work here,
You can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".

Money isn't everything,
But it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Reality is only an illusion
That occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway,
his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car
going the wrong way on 280 Interstate.
Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of
them!"

Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake,she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great.... Some asshole's got my pen!'