Time for More Giggles

The ugly is back in the politics today -- I don't pretend to understand.

So, when I'm puzzled and frustrated I try to find a little humor -- this time tis the season!


HOLIDAY EATING TIPS


1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a
holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.
In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next
door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's
rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So
drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every
sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.
Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.
It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the
whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it
on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with
gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made
with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why
bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic
transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort
to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.
Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now
and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet
table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size
of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge.
Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave
them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple,Pumpkin,Pecan. Have a slice of
each. Or if you don't like apple, have two pecan and
one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have
more than one dessert? LaborDay?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded
with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all
cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you
leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't
been paying attention to my advice. Re-read tips; start
over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember
this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave withthe
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
one hand, a glass of red wine in the other, body thoroughly
used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"